Good, Better, Best – A Christmas Story

Loosely, building on an idea that I wrote last year, "Christmas – What is "Good?", I got to thinking of this Good, Better, Best hierarchy.

Ah ... Good, Better, Best: the clichéd adjectives used just about everywhere.  It seems, to me anyway, that good implies the status quo; potentially average or, worse, below average.  Better is higher in the pecking order so that’s like a silver medal to that of the bronze "good".  Finally, who wouldn’t want to be associated with Best.  Best just blows everything else away.  It’s the gold medal … and I think that’s why Apple never made a product anything less than the best (so they say).

When it comes down to getting presents from Santa one has to be good.  So I would imagine that as long as you don’t fall into the bad category you’re probably guaranteed a pair of socks and maybe a sweater.  But if you fall into the better or best categories … you may be cashing in.  Again, somehow that seems to be the case for Apple.

Let’s imagine that Nick isn’t a terrible person, but he’s a guy in his late 20s that doesn’t do the greatest things.  He’s still a child at heart and maybe (just maybe) still believes in Santa. So, let’s just imagine what that letter may look like:

Dear Santa, I know every year I ask you for presents, but my behavior seemed to have gotten worse over the past few years.  But I’ve done so much this past year to show that I deserve a Microsoft Surface with a blue touch cover keyboard. As you know, a couple of years ago I was not faithful to my wife and that probably led to not getting the iPad with the retina display that I really wanted. But this year, I’ve been better. I only cheated on her a total of 6 times with only 3 other women; compared to the 17 times and the 16 other women from the previous year.  That shows improvement! I have also been improving on my relations with the elderly.  I know I’ve been harsh to them, especially when they’ve been crossing the parking lot at Target and I blare on the horn and yell swear words at them.  While I’m still a ways from helping them cross the street, I’ve show a tremendous restraint and now only beep the horn at them. See, I’ve done better and certainly hope to have a Surface in my stocking on Christmas Morning. Very truly yours, Nick

While, Nick certainly isn’t a saint, he is doing better.  If we go by the Good, Better, Best hierarchy; then since he’s doing better than the previous year he falls into the second category thereby bypassing the good category.   I mean … he’s doing “better” … it’s not “best” but it certainly supersedes “good”.  Then again, if this is the “best” possible behavior he can deliver, then he certainly must be worthy of at least a Google Nexus 7.

I’ve pondered this fictitious scenario a few times and bounced it off of a few people.  Personally, I think the improvement warrants presents, but I may be alone in this one.

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The Grooming Mysteries: The Stone Wall and The Protective Cap

I’m at the Mohegan Sun Casino on a Saturday night waiting in the lobby.  I notice that someone has placed a protective cap from a deodorant stick on the ledge of a decorative stone wall.  Admittedly I don’t get out too often, but this seems a bit strange and arbitrary.  Am I wrong in thinking this?

Naturally, something this out of the ordinary got me thinking about the backstory.  Even though the scent would’ve pretty much been a dead giveaway as to a man or woman leaving it there, I didn’t smell it.  But I would imagine that a guy would have probably done this.  I imagine that it’s probably someone in their 20s.

They’re heading out to meet their buddies for a night out and hopefully meet up with a nice lady. Single would be nice, but that’s not a deal breaker for our hero.  As they’re driving, to the casino it dawns on them that they’ve left the house without putting deodorant on.  He’s probably running late, so it’s too late to turn around.  So, he stops at Rite Aid and picks up a stick of AXE for Men and a pack of Trident White Cool Rush.  He pays and the cashier asks him if wants a bag. But he opts against it, gives her few bucks, tells her to keep the thirty seven cents, and grabs his items from the counter and leaves.  He’s given away so much change on Friday or Saturday nights like this because he doesn’t want his Joe's Jeans Men's King Rocker Slim Fits to get too heavy or bulky – why else would he opt for the thin pack Trident, it lies better in the jeans.

Our hero arrives at Mohegan Sun at Pocono Downs and parks his car.  He’s even later now. So, even though it’s currently 37 degrees F and expected to drop to 28, he decides to leave his coat because it would take too long to check it.   He grabs his deodorant, gum, and iPhone 5 from the passenger seat and heads towards the building.   On the way he texts his buddy to say he’s there and then slides the pack of Trident into his right front pants pocket.    He reaches the building, pulls the door open, walks into the warm vestibule, and puts his iPhone in his back, right pocket.

Then, he opens the second door, walks into the lobby, pulls the first cap off his Axe for Men and heads to a stone wall off to the side so as to not rouse too much suspicion as to what he is doing.  He pops the protective cap off and places it on the ledge. Our hero then shoves the stick up his shirt, quickly applies, and walks towards the garbage can where he throws the stick away.  He then turns the corner, heads to Breakers (a bar), sees his buddies, gives them bro hugs, and the night begins.

I don’t know why a silly piece of plastic made me think of this, but it did.  There are a ton of other possibilities.  But this was my immediate thought.

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The worst she could say is "No"

I'd consider myself a bit introverted and I definitely lack the self-confidence needed to "put the moves" on a girl at the bar. I remember having this discussion with a few female friends of mine to help me try to build self-confidence. 

After stewing on their encouragement for a while I decided that this simply isn’t true. I concluded that the worst thing I have to process is “no”.  Realistically, there are things that far, far, worse to be heard than “no”.  Here are a few ... 

• Leave me alone or I’ll call the cops


• Excuse me, but I have to look over here now (turns back)


• I don’t speak English (Said in English)


• Gives you a number (probably fake). Starts making out with the next guy trying to pick her up


• I don’t want to kill you, but I will if I have to.


• Are you kidding, I’d never go out with someone as ugly as you!


• Drinks beer, belches in your face.


• Hahahahahahahaha!

Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever heard a “no.” Even the kind ones found some way of rejecting me by politely saying “You’re nice, but I don’t think it’d be a good idea.”  But, I have to think that whatever is said somehow translates into a “no.”  It’s an ego defense mechanism.

Fortunately, I don’t think of this anymore and haven’t for some time.  I’m reminded about what Al Bundy said:  “… I have something at home that doesn't care what I look like, accepts me for what I am and is always there when I need it, my couch."

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SciFi Movie Gadgets

I'm kind of a geek.  I've been interested in computers since the 386 microprocessor has been out and I even have a "post PC" device or two.  I don't think I'm addicted to gadgets. I don't need the newest iPad or Galaxy tablet to date, but I think I have enough of an interest in techy gadgets that the reality of owning them has ruined my perception of their role in SciFfi movies.

Let's face it, the high tech stuff we see on the screens are cool. But in my opinion, even if those worlds had a semblance of reality to them, big corporations (whose existence seem ignored in these movies) would be the ones bringing these gadgets to market. As with any big corporation, if there's money to be made they will find a way to do it - then they would have the cash to plow into R&D and develop really cool new things like Lightsaber2 or Holodeck Vista.

So as I watch these big budget, special effects laden, flicks, my mind wanders and I often wonder if there's an untold "reality" of owning these techy gadgets.

The Lightsaber.
Let's take the Lightsaber from Star Wars as an example. As a kid I walked out of the movie house with an adrenaline rush (maybe a bit of a sugar rush too); completely fascinated with the Lightsaber. It was awesome. My mom had to pull me close to her side so I wouldn't bump someone while I swung my hands in a sword-like motion and impersonating the Lightsaber sound.  But as an adult I think that it's another gadget to show off to other Jedi - why else would it be available in different colors? Of course, as with any other gadgets, they're bought and sold.  I'm sure the Empire or the Alliance got a group rate for Lightsabers just like companies get a group rate for cell phones.  And as with cell phones, the Lightsaber rep had to sell them on saber-care ... because Lightsabers look awesome but they never tell you that the light cores in these things burn out quickly; that the battery isn't easily accessible and need to be replaced by the company.

The Holodeck and Transporter
Never been a Star Trek fan, but these were two legendary gadgets that just about anyone would want - one that could simulate environments and one that could send you places without having to check baggage.  Of course the one thing they don't tell you is that the Holodeck requires regular updates. You pay a one time fee for the current version, but if you don't download the updates regularly ads start to come up.  I hear it kind of sucks that an ad for vulcansmeet.com pops up when you're in the middle of an intense combat simulation.

The Transporter on the other hand is probably subscription based. If have to wonder if there are limits in the amount of matter that can be transferred.  Based on today's data plans I would think there would be. Also, if you go over that monthly amount, they probably charge you 39.95 space bucks for each additional Kilogram.  When the transporter was first released they probably offered "Unlimited Matter" plans.  But as the popularity began to grow and their networks stressed they had to throttle those users who were grandfathered into those contracts.  Of course they probably got a lot of complaints because transporting your feet is quick enough, but your thighs just take forever - and if you only have a few seconds to act before some Klingon is about to d'k tahg you, getting throttled can be a bit of an inconvenience.

I can only imagine how the technology would really evolve. As we get closer to that "galaxy far, far away" would the fiction envisioned match the reality of the time.  I won't be around to see it, but at least I can dream about their frustrations.

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