My New Year's Resolutions

"I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed. And, I gotta tell ya - it feels phenomenal"

-"Peter La Fleur"  from Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

At the end of every year I like to organize my desk because I like to start off the new one with it clean and in order.  I rationalize that if it starts off neat and organized it'll end the year neat and organized.  Luckily, it usually does.

Like many I used to begin the year with a list of resolutions. You know, that list of positive changes you swear you'll do to lose weight, reach for accomplishments, or turn your life around:

• Quit Smoking & Start Jogging


• Learn to play the clarinet


• Stop playing Xbox all day and get a job

When I set goals like this for myself, I usually fall short and wind up sulking for much longer than I should.  I remember my 2003 resolution was to quit smoking and start exercising. That wasn't successful so I spent the next two years remaking the resolution and feeling sorry for myself that I couldn't do it. Of course when I felt sorry for myself, I'd light up a cigarette.  I finally kicked the habit some time in 2006; coincidentally when I had given up trying to quit up smoking.

I realized that maybe it's not about striving for sweeping positive life changes. But rather perhaps listing negative actions on the New Year's resolution list. Because when it ultimately falls short the actual outcomes are much more positive. I've done this every year since 2006 and I find that I don't brood over unachieved goals.

So, this New Year's resolutions will be:

• Restart smoking


• Drink Heavily


• Investing all hard earned savings in lottery tickets.


• Eat more fried foods.


• Put on 30 more lbs of pure fat.


• Watch 3 more hours of Game Show network and 2 more hours of Cartoon Network per day

I think it's doable. But, if don't reach them I'm certainly not going to sulk. I'll have to see come December 31, 2012.