My New Year's Resolutions

"I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed. And, I gotta tell ya - it feels phenomenal"

-"Peter La Fleur"  from Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

At the end of every year I like to organize my desk because I like to start off the new one with it clean and in order.  I rationalize that if it starts off neat and organized it'll end the year neat and organized.  Luckily, it usually does.

Like many I used to begin the year with a list of resolutions. You know, that list of positive changes you swear you'll do to lose weight, reach for accomplishments, or turn your life around:

• Quit Smoking & Start Jogging


• Learn to play the clarinet


• Stop playing Xbox all day and get a job

When I set goals like this for myself, I usually fall short and wind up sulking for much longer than I should.  I remember my 2003 resolution was to quit smoking and start exercising. That wasn't successful so I spent the next two years remaking the resolution and feeling sorry for myself that I couldn't do it. Of course when I felt sorry for myself, I'd light up a cigarette.  I finally kicked the habit some time in 2006; coincidentally when I had given up trying to quit up smoking.

I realized that maybe it's not about striving for sweeping positive life changes. But rather perhaps listing negative actions on the New Year's resolution list. Because when it ultimately falls short the actual outcomes are much more positive. I've done this every year since 2006 and I find that I don't brood over unachieved goals.

So, this New Year's resolutions will be:

• Restart smoking


• Drink Heavily


• Investing all hard earned savings in lottery tickets.


• Eat more fried foods.


• Put on 30 more lbs of pure fat.


• Watch 3 more hours of Game Show network and 2 more hours of Cartoon Network per day

I think it's doable. But, if don't reach them I'm certainly not going to sulk. I'll have to see come December 31, 2012.

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Christmas - What is "Good"?

It's Christmas time again. While doing my holiday shopping I've been finding myself eavesdropping on the conversations around me.  It's not like I've been purposefully doing it; I just find it very difficult to not listen when you're elbow to elbow in the checkout line of Toys "R" Us. 

I've noticed parents telling their kids that Santa will bring them presents if they are "good."  I don't disagree with this idea. After all, how long do we have to manipulate the children into eating their vegetables and being quiet during a movie with the promises of a fictitious being bringing presents.

So ... what exactly is "good" ?

I know this isn't a new thought. Rabbi Harold Kushner wrote about this topic in his book "How Good Do We Have To Be."  But that related to something more profound and spiritual. I'm talkin' about being commercially "good" and how it relates to the promise of presents from a bearded fat guy.  So I have to wonder …

The Santa defined "good" seems be an idea defined and perpetuated by parents. Consequently, "good" seems to have a mercurial quality.  For the most part it seems to mean being well-behaved and brushing your teeth every night.   Though, some parents add the responsibility of having A's on your report cards.  But what if some kids (like me back in the day) were just incapable of earning an A. Sure she’s smarter, but would that make my sister more "good" than me?  … And is the quality of my presents reflected in this parental “good” scale?  It would kind of suck that this is the best possible “good” I can deliver and I get a new sweater instead of that Atari 2600 game I wanted.

What if children are rated on an individual good scale rather than one big measurement system.   I may not be able to deliver more than straight B’s on my report card, but I could get tremendous amounts of praise during piano recitals. I would imagine those kind of accomplishments should be factored in.

On the other end of the scale, what if this is a family of super villains.  Consider that Harley Quinn and The Joker had a little super villain kids.   One of the kids hatches a plan that wounds one of the little Batkids (not critically though – just a skinned knee) on the Gotham City Public School playground.  After getting called into the principal’s office the Batkid is the one who gets suspended.  You would have to think that Harley and Joker would think good of their kid and tell them that Santa would be bringing them a Tyco Battery operated Joker Van or something.

This Christmas season I find myself reflecting upon past Christmases and gifts that I’ve received over the years.  For the most part, I think I was good … Santa never seemed to disappoint. I may not have been the ideal kid; and Santa probably should’ve considered me bad some years.   As Christmas day draws closer perhaps “good” doesn’t refer to how well-behaved one is, but maybe … just maybe … how “good” the economy is.

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Rock Stars: Sex, Drugs, Rock ‘n’ Roll … and Benefits?

I can recall from my teenage years being enamored with the idea of being a rock star.  I idolized these guys; partly because they seemed to live sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll.  I used to see them in magazines like Rip, Metal Edge, Circus, and Hit Parader.  I was jealous. These people got to play music every day, gain the attention of female fans, drive fast cars, reside in high places, and lived what seemed to be a nonstop party.

Now, close to 20 years later my perception has changed.  Don’t get me wrong, if I could drop everything today and be able to play music tomorrow I would certainly do it.  The difference now is that it’s for a general love of music.  The genre wouldn’t matter, but I would need to be able to make a decent living and have adequate health coverage.   What drew me into wanting to be a rock star decades ago is not what would draw me into being a musician today.

As I grew older; a sobering, harsh, and daydream shattering reality that bands are companies made itself more apparent. Like PepsiCo or Microsoft or Georgia Pacific, bands have a product to sell in a marketplace of consumers. While I have no work experience in this industry, I started to perceive that they’re worried about branding and image; are concerned about numbers (consumer products sales, record sales, ticket sales, etc.); or on the lookout for anything that could threaten demand for their sound.

Recently, I’ve broken out some of the old Dream Theater CD’s and have almost forgotten that the Glass Prison was one of twelve musical pieces about their drummer’s, Mike Portnoy, experience with alcoholism.  Over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed some rehab or drug use news. Bon Jovi noted that, Richie Sambora will be entering rehab and Steven Tyler announced that he and Joe Perry did drugs as recently as 2008 despite having been clean for years.

So I have to wonder …

When a big name band recruiting is someone, do they have a benefits package that they tout?  Do these guys get full medical and dental coverage?  Would the band’s medical plan then cover chemical addiction and/or counseling?  Maybe rockers’ are considered high risk because of their exposure to sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll.  If this is the case, perhaps coverage doesn’t extend to S.T.D treatments or chemical dependency; or at the very least, maybe rock stars pay higher premiums … I mean, don’t insurance rates increase if one’s a smoker?

What about other benefits?

Lately, I’ve been watching The Spirit Carries On; the reality TV webisodes of Dream Theater auditioning new drummers. After the audition, the band sat down and proceeded to interview the drummers.  When they were chatting, I didn’t hear any discussions about how many weeks of paid vacation the drummer would get or any mentioning of a generous 401(k)?   What about short and long term disability – why wasn’t that part of the discussion?

I would imagine that musical bands actually do have benefits; but a wide-eyed, awestruck, 15 year old drummer who idolizes these people, probably doesn’t care about full medical or dental.  After all, a 401(k) with generous employer contributions probably isn’t the reason for them wanting to become a rock star – it certainly wasn’t for me.

Then again, maybe the sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle is the only benefit really offered – it’s all I’ve ever really seen in those metal magazines as a kid.

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FINTY - Let's Give Social Media a Buzzword!

Social Media Badges - why can't it this be called a FinTY placement?

It’s no secret ‘social media’ is hot right now.

With Facebook’s skyrocketing popularity, it seems like traditional tech bellwethers scurried to try get some footing in this space. Yahoo! launched Pulse, Google had Buzz, and Apple debuted Ping. Even Wal-Mart is throwing their hat into the ring by buying Kosmix, demonstrating that brick and mortar retailers want in on the social media club.

I know the majority of the sites I go to tell me to visit or follow them on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and Linkedin; usually in that order probably because they’re ranked left to right by popularity.  Facebook and Twitter seem to lead in the popularity race. Youtube probably isn’t that far behind, most likely because it has the resources of Google behind it, and LinkedIn is picking up steam especially in the wake of a high profile IPO.

Sometimes I'll see a Wordpress or Blogspot badge but, I have a tendency of not lumping them in with the social media outlets with stronger brand identities.  Myspace, Digg, and Tumblr icons sometimes make appearances but I rarely think of logging into them just to follow a company, brand, or personality. Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and Linkedin just have more mindshare and most companies/sites let the websphere know that they too are represented on these popular social media mediums.  Just check out the badges proudly adorned on their site.

I am surprised that there hasn’t been the term popularized regarding the placement of these icons.  I think there should be.  These badges should be rearranged on sites; listing it as Facebook, Linkedin, Twitter, and YouTube and referring to as a “FinTY” placement.  I’ve seen passing references to it, but I’m surprised there hasn’t been an industry wide adoption of this term.  Personally, I could see this happening. I could even see site developers using this as a value-add on.

Developer: “Ok, here are the spec’s. The site will have breadcrumbs, dynamic menus and a customized login page. Did you also need a FinTY placement?”

 You: “Oh yea. Almost forgot about that.  Yes. FinTY it up.”

Social Media is in, it’s happening, and everyone wants a piece of it. I’m no different. I wouldn’t be blogging or on Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, Digg, Tumblr, Google Buzz, Yahoo! Pulse, AOL Lifestream, About.me … (ok you get the idea) … if I didn’t want just a little social media attention.   The Internet Marketing industry on the whole already has terms like SEO, Bot, Geo targeting, Pay-Per-Click or PPC, Inbound Link, Retargeting, and CPC (to name a few) … FinTY is just another term that could complement it.

So … pass it along . Help popularize it.  Give “FinTY” a chance and make it come alive!

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A Rock Band Game (um ... before the Xbox)

When I was younger my friends and I would often play a rock band game.  This was in the 90s and the Xbox was a few years away.  It wasn't something that required an electronic console or even a pen and paper.  Just a little imagination.  Usually we'd play over a few drinks so it was a pretty good laugh ... at least we thought so.  All of us loved music and we all had very different musical tastes.  It made for good time trying to think about what bands should tour together.

We weren’t thinking about the good shows these bands or artists would put on. We were trying to think of band’s names that had the best synergies to create an attention getting marquee.  Personally, I think this is a pretty addicting game and still find myself thinking about this when mowing my lawn.  Here are a few that we came up with back then and a few that have resulted in this game played recently:

• Foreigner with Bad English


• Live and The Grateful Dead


• Kiss and Saliva


• Styx with The Stones


• Police and Warrant


• Prince, Queen, and King Crimson


• Europe and Asia


• U2 and The B52’s


• Def Leppard with Blind Melon


• Chicago and Boston


• Slaughter and The Killers


• Train, The Cars, and Jefferson Airplane


• Blue Man Group, Pink Floyd, Green Day, and The Red Hot Chili Peppers

This is all I could think of in one sitting … but if YOU think of any, feel free to comment ...

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The Logic of Superstition Part II – The Good Luck

In my last post, The Logic of Superstition Part I - The Bad Luck, there were some of the bad luck superstitions that didn't make sense (to me anyway).  In this part II of II post on superstitions, I have to wonder about the "good luck" superstitions. 

Rain on your wedding

I remember attending the wedding of a close family friend.  As soon as Pachelbel’s Canon in D starts playing and the bride and her father line up at the top of the aisle, it began to pour. It was a summer Saturday and the doors of the church were open and we could hear the rain rapidly hitting the pavement.  A friend had uttered an empathetic “aw” about the rain and said “well, they say ‘if it rains on your wedding day it is good luck.’”  I would imagine this is the case because ten years later they are still married and have two wonderful children.

But I have had to think about this one.  Is it limited to just rain or could it be any precipitous event?  If it’s a winter wedding is snow or sleet just as lucky?  If it’s not the precipitation but an unfortunate or unanticipated event, then would the limo getting into a fender bender on the way to the church be considered lucky?  Or, what if all the guests are delayed by an hour because of a burst water pipe on the highway … certainly those unanticipated events must be better luck than that of a common rain.

Knock On Wood

"We're right on schedule, knock on wood."  Admittedly, this one I have a hard time understanding.  From what I understand, the phrase was originally "stomp wood" because way back in the day people would stomp on wooden floors for luck.  When houses moved to tile, carpet, or even linoleum; why didn't the phrase evolve along with it rather than the "wood" part of the phrase staying and the motion being moved to the hands?  Personally, I think "stomp tile" has a timeless quality to it.

That aside, I have to wonder there are acceptable levels of  wood types.  For example, is knocking on a piece of solid finished oak more lucky than an a piece of particle board? Also, if it's painted then does that qualify as wood? Technically, that's knocking paint.

Getting Pooped on by a Seagull

I couldn’t believe this one when I heard it.  At first, I thought it was someone joking around with me. But others have come forth and have told me the same thing: “getting pooped on by a seagull is good luck.” I wonder if this is applicable to cars because my car seems to be very lucky when I go to the beach.

Why is this limited to just sea gulls?  It seems equally plausible that a blue jay pooping on you would be just as lucky – maybe even luckier.  I have seen more sea gulls at the beach than I do blue jays in my back yard, so the chances of a blue jay happening are rarer and the luck would seem much more valuable.  And why is this just limited to sea gull poo?  It would stand to reason, the bigger the poo, the luckier it is.  I’ve never seen anyone stepping in dog, deer, or moose droppings and sincerely say “Goddamn that’s lucky!”

Admittedly I throw salt over my shoulders, don’t step on any cracks, and even have a lucky horse shoe.   I suppose I don’t really have a hard time believing; I probably just have a hard time understanding.  There are so many superstitions and old wives tales that it makes just as much sense to believe them in at face value as well as its reciprocal.  I’m also inclined to believe in the compounding of them. But who knows if the day will ever come.  If you see me get pooped on by a sea gull on my wedding day and it rains you know I’ll be playing the lottery very soon because there’s a good chance I can win … knock on wood.

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The Logic of Superstition Part I - The Bad Luck

"... Pythagoras was right: To find truths, we must invert"

- You Have More Than You Think by the Motley Fool

Regardless of the origins of many superstitions, many have made their way into our everyday culture and we take them at face value.  A black cat crosses your path is bad luck, walking under a ladder is bad luck, breaking a mirror is 7 years bad luck.  Then there are the good luck superstitions: Rain on your wedding day is good luck, knocking on wood to preserve you current luck, getting pooped on by a seagull is good luck. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a believer in rituals and superstitions – I wouldn’t be running my hands up and down either side of the slot machines after each spin hoping for the big payoff if I didn’t. But as they prove to not to improve my luck I begin to start mulling over the intensity of luck based on characteristics of the situation or even the plausibility of the inverse.  I have picked up a heads up penny many times only to have a bad day to follow – so I have to wonder.

The Black Cat Superstition

I’ve heard this one a lot, as you no doubt have.  So, is it good luck if a white cat crosses your path? If a black one crosses your path and its bad luck, certainly the opposite must be true.  What about a beige one, could it mean ordinary luck?  What about the size of the cat? Would degree of bad luck depend upon the size of the cat?  I would think so. If a panther crosses your path, I’d imagine you’re about to have a really bad day.

I also wonder why it’s isolated to just the cat - since the second layer to the superstition is the color.  So, if one’s path is crossed by a Black Labrador, would that be good luck? Or would it mean that it’s even worse luck than a small cat.  What about a black bear?  Like the panther, I would think that if a black bear crosses your path, the day is about to get a whole lot worse.

Lastly, what about the path - where does it end? Does one’s luck change the closer the animal is? If you’re traveling down the highway and a black cat that is not in your sight, crosses your path that would still constitute bad luck.  But you were unaware.

I suppose the next time I have a bad day, I’ll have to attribute it to a black cat a mile down the road.

Walking Under a Ladder.

This one I had a hard time with, but I still avoid walking under them so I don’t tempt the fates.  Without researching this, I suppose I could see the logic behind it.  Pre-hardhats or even pre-toolbelts, if you walked under a ladder you probably and regularly got conked on the head by some clumsy carpenter.  If walking under the ladder is bad luck, then climbing over one must be good luck.  I mean … the clumsy carpenter sure had better luck than the poor victim below.

Breaking a mirror - 7 years bad luck

When I was young, I accidentally broke my cousin’s make-up mirror.  I knew that meant 7 years bad luck.  That must have been the case because over the course of the following seven years, I did not win the lottery, marry a Victoria Secret's model, or even become super popular in high school. Now that I think of it, I suppose the bad luck fallout of that mirror lasted 12 years. Regardless, I started thinking that if I glued it back together, would that improve my luck?  I don’t mean that fractured, super glued, “back together” – I mean if I were a glass expert and was able to restore it to its original luster.

Furthermore, what about someone that works in mirror factory?  Imagine someone who builds mirrors for a living.  They make mirrors day in and day out; careful to not break them because it would hurt their profit margins (I suppose that alone would be bad luck).  So, if that person has never broken a mirror but constructs them they must have good luck.  That seems to be the case because as an entrepreneur they started up and are running a mirror manufacturing company.

There's still more to wonder about.

Until Next Time ...

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